


Binary Stars (Reylo One-Shot)

by Celestia_ships_reylo



Category: Reylo - Fandom, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Did I Mention Angst?, Extra Angst, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Heartache, I Made Myself Cry, Loneliness, More angst, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Post-TRoS, Rey Needs A Hug, Sad Reylo feels, Sorry Not Sorry, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, This will make you cry, With a side of angst, hopeful ending tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:14:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27143669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celestia_ships_reylo/pseuds/Celestia_ships_reylo
Summary: After the victory on Exegol and the death of Ben Solo, Rey has never felt so alone. She tries to hide her grief from the others, but she can’t help the pain that she feels. Yet they will never understand what she has lost. She tries to cope with the regret and sadness, but she can’t ignore the empty space that remains inside.Sometimes, she allows herself to imagine what could have been if Ben had lived, but she tells herself that they are just foolish, heartbroken fantasies that will never come true. She stares up at the binary star she calls her own... and tells herself to forget. But she doesn’t want to.And she couldn’t, even if she did.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	Binary Stars (Reylo One-Shot)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there, readers! I must apologize in advance for the extremely angsty feels, but I hope you like it nonetheless. Sorry (not sorry) if it makes you cry a bit... I even made myself cry writing this. I’m still grieving along with Rey...
> 
> Credit to makeshiftcandy, whose sad Reylo threads inspired this one-shot, and special thanks to my friend DJ_Kyla, who was forced to listen to me cry while I wrote this XD
> 
> Please enjoy, and comment below :)

_She was the sunshine...he was the darkness._

_They needed each other, yet the presence of one drove the other away. They longed for one another, but to be together was to lose a part of themselves._

_Until, one day, they discovered the sunrise...and, for the first time in an eternity, they met. And their love for each other was so beautiful that it filled the sky with colors that the young world had never seen before._

_But then...the darkness died away..._

_The sunshine mourned, and waited... Waited for the day when, in another universe, in another lifetime, they would discover the sunset..._

_And they would meet again._

* * *

Rey sat alone in the darkness of her quarters; she had not bothered to turn on the lights. She was thankful for the fact that she had finally been left alone. She was finally free of the noisy celebration that had swept over Ajan Kloss that morning after the defeat of the Final Order. The news of the Resistance’s stand against the Emperor’s massive army had spread throughout the known galaxy like fire, inspiring uprisings on the countless planets controlled by the First Order.

She had returned to Ajan Kloss to find the remains of the Resistance fleet reveling in their victory, rejoicing that their sacrifice and loss had finally paid off. Rey did her best to seem happy along with them, but she almost broke down when she saw Finn and Poe looking for her amongst the crowd. She embraced them, trying to stuff the pain and heartache that threatened to consume her down until she could get away from the others.

While the others found the celebration an enormous relief after so many years of battling First Order oppression, Rey found only suffering in the joy around her. How could all these people be so happy at a time like this? After all she had just gone through? But, of course, no one knew.... Nobody would ever know how she, the last Jedi, had fallen in love with the Jedi Killer who had saved her life...and the galaxy in the process. Nobody would know what she had lost...what the galaxy had torn away from her...

As much as she treasured her new friends, at that moment she desired only to get away from them. They didn’t understand the pain they were causing her...they kept asking her what had happened on Exegol. There was nothing, nothing in the galaxy, that she was less ready to speak of. The worried glances that some of them gave her lasted only a moment before they turned away, perhaps to greet a friend that had returned late from the battle. She sighed deeply, constantly searching for a moment to get away, but always being pulled back into the crowd. Being congratulated and patted on the back for her exploits against the First Order...it brought her only anguish and memories that were too painful to think of in front of others. But now, finally, she was alone. Away from the chaotic joy that she could have never joined in...

Being alone with her thoughts had its drawbacks...her thoughts were ever on the source of her pain. How could the galaxy be so cruel to her? To both of them? She buried her face in her hands, the grief threatening to overcome her. They had finally, finally joined each other. After so many months of heartache and confusion and longing, he had finally come to her...it had finally been made right. It had just felt so... perfect. But now, after just one quiet moment of bliss together, Ben had been torn away from her. What punishment could be worse than this? After all the years of pain and abandonment that Ben had been put through, after all the loneliness and longing and fear, the galaxy had never given him the opportunity to finally be happy. Rey closed her eyes, letting the first of the hot, bitter tears fall down her face. What had she done to deserve this fate? All she had ever wanted was belonging. All she had wanted was...Ben. And now, she was left with nothing...like an empty shell, she felt dead inside. It was no wonder, perhaps...he had been half of her own soul. Half of her had just been ripped away, leaving only an aching void.

* * *

Rey stood in the ‘fresher, letting the cold water pour down her already tear-stained face. While running water never ceased to amaze her, its wonders were lost on her grieving mind. It was very late at night; even some of the most enthusiastic revelers could be heard returning to their quarters after a day of celebration. But Rey, though rendered haggard by fatigue,—she had been awake for over 28 standard-hours straight—she would not even think of sleep after what she had just gone through. She started to rub off the blood that caked her arms after the battle on Exegol. The tears welled up in her eyes again when she realized that some of the blood was not her own...it was _his_.... Hot tears mixed with the cold water that poured onto her face. As she washed the grime off her other arm, she gave a start. The scar that the Praetorian guard had given her a year ago, when she had fought side-by-side with Ben for the first time... it was gone. Of course... Ben had healed that scar when he had given his life-force to her. Just as, when she had healed him on Kef Bir after their duel on the ruins of the Death Star, the scar she had given him had disappeared. Why did this reminder of his kindness and sacrifice break her even more? Perhaps it reminded her of what could now never be... if he had lived, they would have been able to heal each other in more ways than this... She had forgotten how long she had been in the ‘fresher, and she didn’t care. Rey let the running water block the sound of her heartbroken sobs from the rest of the world. She didn’t want them to know her pain...this grief was hers, and hers alone.

* * *

At last, Rey could not keep herself awake much longer. She dragged herself onto her bed, holding the one remaining item she had left to remind her of Ben. It was his sweater, taken from the ground on Exegol where her dyad had been taken from her. She hugged it close to her chest, careful not to fray the ends of the hole in the cloth...the hole from the wound that she herself had given him. How she regretted that now. Why had she done that? Her anger and frustration had just...boiled over in that moment. She buried her face, and her tears, in the soft black folds of fabric, her head pounding with regret. Just for an instant, she tried to remember every detail of that moment after he had brought her back. His eyes, shining and swimming with tears of both joy and sadness, searching her face, patiently awaiting Rey to recognize his own. His hand, so gentle around the back of her neck. The softness and desperation of his hesitant glance toward her lips, hoping beyond hope that she would not pull away from him. She remembered gently tracing the side of his face with her fingertips after whispering his name in awe and gratitude... and love. She remembered smiling slightly before bringing her lips to meet his. She remembered the warmth of his embrace as he pulled his arm around her waist. And she remembered his smile and their breathy giggles when they thought that this could last forever.... She remembered, like a knife in her heart, the look on his face when he realized that they had run out of time...he had not wanted to leave her...not now, not right after they had just discovered the happiness they could’ve had together...not yet....

Ben’s sweater was soaked through with her tears now. She let herself imagine, just for a moment, what might have been... If Ben had lived, he would have held her close to his chest and let her cry out her frustration on him. He would have comforted her patiently, his arms around her, holding her steady. And when her breaths calmed down and she looked up at him, he would’ve kissed her forehead softly and...perhaps...he would have whispered gently that he loved her....

Rey sobbed quietly to herself until her body finally gave in to sleep.

* * *

Her life (if one could call it a life) on Ajan Kloss the next few weeks was even harder than she had thought it would be. Resistance officers came and went, returning from supply runs or from aiding another rebelling planet escape the clutches of the dying First Order. They would shake her hand or pat her back heartily, congratulating her for her victory on Exegol.... They would never understand that, by doing this, they were congratulating Rey on her loss, as well...

Poe would joke with her about the events on Exegol, constantly asking her for the details on the Emperor’s defeat. Rey always refused, never able to meet his eyes when he mentioned the planet that had become the place of Ben’s final awareness. When the Resistance discussed the rumors about the Supreme Leader’s supposed death, Poe exclaimed that the galaxy should be glad to be rid of him...no one understood why Rey had run out of the room at that point, choking back tears of rage and loneliness.

Finn was supportive, but he was curious, and of course, he had no idea what he was asking of her. He accosted her daily, asking why he had not been able to sense her through the Force for a few moments while in the atmosphere above Exegol. Why, a small while later, her life-force had shone so brightly through the Force that it had overwhelmed his senses. Why, whenever he saw her, waves of regret and agony washed over him from her direction. Why she almost never spoke anymore. She waved him away as kindly as she could.... But, despite the deep sadness in her eyes, he had not yet learned that his questions caused her pain.

Rose was perhaps the wisest of them all, keeping her distance from Rey. She did not have the Force, but she could still sense the grief hidden behind the former scavenger’s eyes.... She had felt much the same when her sister Paige had been taken from her. Rose wondered, among all the Resistance, who had been so special to Rey to provoke such sadness in her. Rose wondered who it was that Rey had lost. But even Rose’s kind, sympathetic glances made the emptiness sting even more.

* * *

On the days that Rey could manage to sleep, she would wake up from her nightmares to the sound of her own screams. She was glad that those who slept around her could not hear through the walls. She would sit up in bed, breathing heavily, drenched in her own sweat and tears. The nightmares were always the same...Ben, falling down a pit that had no end; herself, stabbing Ben all over again, and being unable to heal him; watching Ben die in her arms and never having the chance to say “I love you.” The worst part was that many of the scenes that she saw in her nightmares had been real. She really had never gotten the chance to tell him how much she loved him...how much she still loved him.

She allowed herself to escape her painful reality and imagined what could have been.... If Ben had lived, he would have been there beside her, and her screams would have woken him too. He would turn to her and pull her close, letting her bury her head in his chest, still trembling in fear. He would whisper in her ear that he was there for her, that everything would be okay. He would let her run her fingers through his soft hair, and she would find the comfort and belonging she needed in his arms. He would stay awake to watch her fall asleep, waiting to hear her shuddering breaths become slow and regular before laying his head down beside hers and gazing at her now-peaceful face. Ben would soon fall asleep to the sound of her rhythmic breaths. And, eventually, their nightmares would disappear forever and be forgotten in each other’s embrace.

But now, none of that could happen.... Now her bed was cold and lonely; her only comfort was the worn black sweater that she always held close to her heart while she slept. And now, staring at the ceiling and trying to forget the nightmares that would always haunt her, Rey realized, for the first time since she had lived on Ajan Kloss, that her bed was too big for just her....

* * *

She eats her meals in her quarters when she can, trying to avoid the stares that follow her wherever she goes. She has no appetite, but she eats all the same. She still can’t break the habit of eating too fast...she still remembers the days when the junkers would steal her parts and she would go to bed hungry at night. She remembers what nights were like on Jakku when she couldn’t sleep, shivering in a cold that would’ve been welcome during the day, but was deadly at night. She remembers the Rebel pilot doll that her mother had left with her before she was sold...before her own grandfather left her an orphan by Ochi’s hand. And her heart shatters when one of Ben’s memories comes back to her, showing her that he had had one too. He would run around, turning the doll’s bright orange pilot suit into a streak of color. And he told everyone proudly that he would become a pilot like his father. And now, she can’t even eat without thinking of Ben.

And when she closes her eyes, she can still see what was meant to be. He should’ve sat on the pilot’s seat of the Falcon, Han’s golden dice back where they belonged. Rey would sit in the copilot’s seat, content to watch him expertly handle the controls of the ship he had grown up with. He would grin at her, slip her hand into his, and ask where she wanted to go next. “Anywhere,” she would say. “As long as it’s with you.” He would smile at her and set course for a rainy planet where everything was green, knowing that she loved the rain and the color green, and the abundant life that it stood for. And they would explore the galaxy together.

But that galaxy had robbed them of this bliss....

* * *

One day, Finn and Rose notice Rey leave Ajan Kloss in the Falcon, alone. She comes back, looking fatigued as she always does these days, with a small bundle of items wrapped in cloth. And she carries the bundle as if it is the most precious material thing she has ever known. In her quarters, late at night, she takes out the items. It took her a long time, but she finally found it. Ben’s old calligraphy set. It carried so many of his memories in it that it was hard for her to even touch it without breaking down again. She looks down at the brushes, knowing that, sometime long ago, Ben had held them in his hands. And she adds a new regret to her growing pile of old ones. She had taught herself how to read and how to speak several languages...but she had never properly learned how to write.

She knows that, if Ben had been there, he would have taught her. He would first teach Rey how to write her own name. And Rey would make him teach her how to write his. He would have been a patient teacher, standing behind her chair to watch her progress. He would lean over her shoulder to correct her grip on the brush, his hand covering and guiding her own. And when she had fixed her mistake, he would turn to gently kiss her cheek and tell her that she was doing so well. And, one day, Ben would find a note in his chambers that read “I love you” in Rey’s clumsy scrawl...and it would become his greatest treasure.

It could have been this way, had the galaxy not been so cruel....

* * *

Some days, when the nights were clear, Rey would sneak out of her quarters late at night to stare up at the star-filled sky. She sits on the grass and searches for hours, sometimes, before she can find the binary star that she saw for the first time while on Exegol. The binary star, with one star somewhat dimmer than the other. She thinks about how, in other circumstances, Ben would have sneaked out with her. She would have sat with him under the stars, his arm around her, with her head resting on his shoulder. He would have shown her the constellations and pointed out the brightest systems. And she would have shown him the inseparable binary stars, both equally bright and brilliant. And when they had counted all the stars they could see, Rey would say that they were beautiful. “Like you,” Ben would say. Rey would smile and shake her head playfully before allowing her lips to meet his own.

Rey’s eyes filled with tears as she tried to remember exactly what it felt like to kiss him...if she had known that they would never be able to experience it again, would she have made even more of an effort to memorize the warmth and softness of his lips? She lets the tears fall quietly because she knows that, if he were here with her, she wouldn’t even have to ask him to remind her what it felt like....

* * *

When Zorii starts talking one day about finding a new home for herself (and Babu, of course) after the destruction of Kijimi, Rey listens from the back of the room, realizing that she doesn’t need to stay on Ajan Kloss. Her months here have brought her only pain. But she realizes that finding a new home is something that she should have never had to do alone. She realizes that, sometime before she lost him, she had dreamt of one day finding a home with him. Somewhere green and flourishing, the opposite of the Jakku desert. Somewhere cozy and warm where she and Ben could spend their days healing each other and helping each other overcome their pasts. And one day, in a peaceful galaxy, they could have had a family to call their own.

But now, without Ben by her side, finding a new place to live seems futile. A useless gesture. The only place in the galaxy she could truly find happiness in was wherever Ben was...and that was the one place that she could not be.

* * *

Months later, when the weather turns cold, Rey shivers under her blankets and finds herself reaching for Ben’s warmth, but her arms close around an empty space. She wants to weep when she realizes it was just a dream, but she finds, to her distress, that she has run out of tears to cry. She knows that if Ben were still with her, he would have wrapped his arms around her to shield her from the cold. As she fell asleep in his arms, he would absentmindedly let his fingers linger over her arm where her scar used to be, caressing the spot gently with his thumb. He would think back to all the pain and heartache that it had taken to bring them here, but he would decide it was worth it. Because now, they are at peace, and they are together...and that slowly, eventually, their deeper wounds would begin to heal just like their external scars had. He comforts himself with the thought that he will never let her go again...she won’t be lonely anymore, he thinks to himself.

But fate has only seen it fit to leave her alone again....

* * *

When Zorii and Babu leave for their newfound home, Rey watches from the background, secluded, hearing the heartfelt and tear-filled goodbyes. She hears Poe promise Zorii that, when his duties as general come to a close, he will come find her. Rey stares at the floor, watching a single remaining tear fall to the ground as she remembers that she never even got to say goodbye. She remembers a promise she was given once by an unknown voice in her dreams. _“I’ll come back, sweetheart. I promise.”_ She had long stopped trying to figure out whose voice it was. It didn’t matter. The promise would never be fulfilled anyway.

But later, in her quarters in the dead of night, when she thinks that her heart can’t break any further, it does. Because she realizes that the voice she’s heard, and the words that she’s whispered to herself all these years...are _his_. She would have given anything to hear him whisper to her gently and call her “sweetheart...” If only just once....

* * *

One night, Rey watches the stars from her window, imagining that one of them is a universe where, in another lifetime, she and Ben could’ve been happy together. She searches for the binary star that she’s come to think of as her own, knowing that, if Ben were here too, it would have been his favorite. She hopes that, wherever Ben is now, perhaps, they still share the same sky. And she hopes that he is looking up at the sky right now, because that might be the closest they will ever get to looking into each other’s eyes again. _“I will always be with you.”_ That was the last thing he had ever said to her. She lets herself imagine that he is sitting beside her, that maybe he can hear her from wherever he is...

“There it is, Ben. The binary star. Our star. It reminds me of you,” she whispered hoarsely, her words choking on the tears that had suddenly returned.

She sees a cloud drift in front of the stars, hiding them from her view. And she can’t help feeling a sense of hopelessness overwhelm her. She sits in the darkness, clutching Ben’s sweater in silent despair, wishing that their time together had not been so unbearably short. That it had not ended in such tragedy. But, suddenly, in the thick silence, Rey hears a voice. It is strong and clear, yet somehow not completely solid. As if it came from somewhere beyond her, somewhere beyond time itself.

 _“Rey?”_ says the gossamer voice, so quietly that her ears barely catch her name.

Rey’s eyes go wide. It couldn’t be...she must be imagining it. But her ears were not deceiving her. It was a voice that, for months, had only lived in the most precious of her memories. It was _his_ voice.

“...Ben?” she whispers into the darkness, daring to allow the smallest grain of hope to break into her heart. She pleads silently, desperately with the Force to let her at least hear his voice one more time. She waits for what seems like hours before she hears it, louder than before. And she feels a warmth inside that she hasn’t felt in months. For the first time since Exegol, she doesn’t feel alone.

 _“I’ll come back to you, sweetheart,”_ says Ben’s gentle whisper. _“I promise.”_

Somewhere, beyond the clouds that hid the stars from her view, shone the binary star that she claimed as her own...as their own. And, somehow, both stars now shone as brightly as they once had, equally brilliant...and beautiful.

Perhaps it should not be surprising... everyone knows that stars are ignited when hope returns to a broken soul. The binary star had not been this bright for a thousand years....

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to everyone who read though this and joined me in the angsty Reylo feels lol.
> 
> I named this one-shot “Binary Stars” because of the portion of The Rise of Skywalker novelization by Rae Carson that talks about Rey seeing a binary star when the Jedi voices speak to her... and when she sees this star, she hears that voice again. “I’ll come back, sweetheart. I promise.” The same words that she has heard throughout her life, although she never understands whose voice it is. The novel says that “though the voice that said those words was her own, the love behind them was not.” The binary star represents the dyad, and I think those words, which have echoed in her ears across time itself, are Ben’s promise to her that he will return. 
> 
> Girls with Sabers on YouTube made a video on this concept that explains it so much better than I could, and it was a total coincidence that the video came out the day after I wrote this!! You can check it out here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AeNAyk-xYY. (And if you haven’t read the Rise of Skywalker novel by Rae Carson, it’s AMAZING. Definitely worth the read, even after the tragedy of TROS...haha.)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed reading this (and possibly crying in the process). May the Force be with you all, and remember, #BenSoloLives!!


End file.
